Sharing a Bottle of Wine

The closest thing Linda and I have to what you would call a "religious ritual" is sharing a bottle of wine.

Psalms suggests, "He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth: wine that gladdens the heart of man, oil to make his face shine, and bread that sustains his heart". Psalm 104:15

We open the bottle of wine and give it time to breathe. We always play the same two discs (Nickel Creek's first album and an Alison Krauss album)... these were burned for us by Linda's dad Larry years ago.

The study of wine- viticulture, terroir etc. - is one of the few bodies of knowledge over the years that has seemed as rich to me as the study of theology, psychology, or philosophy.

As our wine breathes we prepare plates with cheese and crackers... we then drink our wine as we eat our cheese and crackers and listen to our music.

It is rare that we don't end up in a bonding soul conversation... about our selves... our upcoming week... our spiritual/soul pilgrimage at this time...

This experience, sharing a bottle of wine with Linda in this way, feels like a sacrament to me.

Weekly Torah Portion: Yitro- Fear vs. Love

The Weekly Torah portion this week is Yitro/ Jethro- Exodus 18 - 20.

I am not a fan of fear... Generally speaking, I'm against it. I'm against provoking fear in others... I tend to think of people who intentionally work to inspire fear in others as people engaged in evil behavior.

When G-d met with Israel at Sinai it was scary...

Ex 19:16 On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. 17 Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. 18 Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain trembled violently, 19 and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him.

Ex 20:18 When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance 19 and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die." 20 Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning." 21 The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

When I think of people with great power using it to cause fear and trembling in others I think of Wilson in Orwell's 1984 being threatened with the rat mask... The threat resulted in him coming to "truly love" big brother... I think of the scene in the wizard of Oz when Dorothy exposes the professor behind the curtains stirring up smoke and loud noises to frighten others...

I wrestle with the notion of a powerful being inspiring fear unnecessarily.

A meeting with G-d should not be one that generates fear... it should a meeting that results in the experience of healing/cleansing, peace, and the experience of perfect love.

In my sojourn in Catholicism my most profound experience was with the Carmelite thinkers... St. John of the Cross, Theresa of Avila, Terese of Liseaux, Teresa Benedicta (Edith Stein)... these writers helped me know experientially what it is to be immersed, subsumed, consumed, devoured, taken in by, the immeasurable and indescribable love of G-d...

Meeting with G-d should be characterized by the experience of perfect love and peace... not fear.

My goal this week in wrestling with the Torah portion is to understand G-d's marriage ceremony with the nation of Israel... what does the text mean when it talks about fireworks and fear... and how does this mesh with my experiential knowledge of the ultimate good... the belief that union with G-d is peace and love- not fear.

2'10 SC: Self Control

If you refer to my early January blogs I talked about my 2010 Mussar practice and my 2010 "spiritual curriculum"...

I set out to focus on 13 traits for one week each and go through this cycle 4 times this year. I am finding that focusing on intense character analysis and transformation for one week is far from sufficient for the task at hand. Hence, I'm changing up my approach...

For the remainder of the year I will work on one trait per month... I'll use the month to:

-Assess myself in the area in question
-Study that topic
-Meditate on the topic
-Do tasks that foster that trait
-Memorize Torah and/or quotes on the topic

I'll take a "soul" approach to the topic:

-Mind Thinking
-Sight
-Speech
-Heart Feeling
-Will Doing

Given a topic that is much on my mind and heart these days is the guard of the tongue I'll begin my revised pilgrimage today... For 2'10 my focus will be on self control...

Guard of the tongue, moderation, gluttony.

Ben Zoma would say... Who is strong? One who overpowers his inclinations.
Pirkei Avot 4:1

This is man's main task, not to go after his desires, but (Tehillim 32:9) "to restrain himself with a bit and bridle when he is being groomed." Man must deprive himself until he dies, not by fasting or asceticism, but by controlling his mouth and desires. This is teshuvah.
The Vilna Gaon

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. ~Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Insecurity of Freedom: Essays on Human Existence, 1967

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. ~Thomas Jefferson

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins. ~Benjamin Franklin

A Prayer- The Tongue

Lord,

You spoke and the world came into being. With words, speech, you made the created world.

When we speak, we demonstrate that we are your children. Our words create realities. I am amazed at how much time is given in Psalms and Proverbs to talking about speech and the tongue. Certainly, taming the tongue can be like trying to catch the wind.

As Rav Yeshua said, "Out of the heart, the mouth speaketh"... If we want to know our heart, we can look at what we say or what we are inclined to say.

The Vilna Gaon said, "The surest way to merit eternity is by guarding one's tongue... this is worth more than all the Torah and all good deeds".

Help me Lord to guard my tongue. May my will and heart with your help think before I speak... Am I speaking for good reasons or bad...

Is the intent of what I am about to say to help, to serve, to be kind... or, is it to boast/show off, malign/gossip, be frivolous...

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Kook on Beshalach

Thoughts from one of my favorite Rabbi's (Abraham Isaak Kook) on this week's Torah portion...

Beshalach: Innate and Acquired Holiness

Two Forms of Holiness

Rav Kook wrote that the Jewish people possess two aspects of holiness. The first is an inner force that resides naturally in the soul. This trait is a spiritual inheritance passed down from the patriarchs, which Rav Kook referred to as a segulah (innate) holiness. It is an intrinsic part of the Jewish soul, and is immutable.

The second aspect of holiness is based on our efforts and choices. Rav Kook called this willed-holiness, as it is acquired consciously, through our actions and Torah study. Innate-holiness is in fact infinitely greater than willed-holiness, but it is only revealed to the outside world according to the measure of acquired holiness. It is difficult to perceive an individual's inner sanctity when it is not expressed in external actions or character traits.

The Rabbi of Safed, Rabbi Jacob David Willowsky (known by the acronym the Ridbaz), criticized Rav Kook for his congenial relations with the non-religious (and often anti-religious) pioneers who were settling the Land of Israel. Rav Kook responded to this criticism by noting the distinction between different forms of holiness.

"In our generation, there are many souls who are on a very low level with regard to their willed-holiness. Thus, they are afflicted with immoral behavior and dreadful beliefs. But their innate segulah light shines brightly. That is why they so dearly love the Jewish people and the Land of Israel." [Igrot HaRe'iyah vol. II, letter 555 (1913), pp. 187-188]

Rav Kook went on to explain that heretics and non-believers usually lose their inner segulah holiness, and separate themselves from the Jewish people. However, we live in special times. The Zohar describes the pre-Messianic generation as being "good on the inside and bad on the outside." That is to say, they have powerful inner holiness, even though their external, acquired holiness is weak and undeveloped.

[Gold from the Land of Israel, pp, 124-126. Adapted from Olat Re'iyah vol. I, p. 236]

A Prayer- Listening and Sharing

This prayer is dedicated to my wife and daughters (and my mother) with whom I have debated much much too much over the years...

Lord,

Help me to move beyond debating words, ideas, concepts with your children- my brothers and sisters... rather, help me to remember to ask, "What are the 2 or 3 key ways G-d is moving in your soul, your heart, mind and will, today- this week". And, to be ready to offer the same response.

May I move from scrutinizing and debating to listening, sharing and being in wonder at your hand in my life and the lives of others on their paths to you.

Understanding My Blood and Bones

Johari's Window (a cognitive/psychological tool designed to help people understand themselves better and function better interpersonally) suggests that there are many things that we don't "know" about ourselves and that those around us don't know either.

For many years I have been a lover of comparative religion. There is nothing wrong with this ideologically, but we as temporal beings cannot live in all places at one time. We are designed to pick a path and walk it if we desire to truly nurture and cultivate the building or garden of our soul into a work of art that we gift to our creator in eternity.

In the fall I was struck with what strikes me as a funny thought in this regard... "What is better, a size 10 shoe or a size 12 shoe? Neither, unless your foot is size 12." So which is better: Judaism; Christianity; Confucianism; Buddhism; Wicca; Shinto; Islam etc. ... The best each has to offer is likely comparable- unless you are "tailored" (by nature and/or nurture) to walk in one path as opposed to the other... it is possible that one is better fit for you than another. Which is not to say that you can't learn from them all... It's a question of where you live, not where you vacation.

In my recent return to Judaism (Yes, I wear a size 12 shoe) I have been once again well aware of my deep love for concepts and books... I am without question a bibliophile... I would go so far as to say that learning in and of itself seems to me to be an act of worship and words- written, spoken- can be sacred.

Yesterday morning, in beginning to read Jacob Neusner's, The Classics of Judaism: A Textbook and Reader, I read the following:

• The labor of learning is itself an act of sanctification.
• ...in Judaism if you want to meet God, you open a book and study. That labor of learning, studying a document of the Torah, is the first place, and the most important place, where you find God... The Torah is not the sole point of meeting, but it forms the paramount meeting place.
• The study of Torah outweighs all else.
• When in a spirit of faithfulness someone undertakes to labor in the study of the Torah, God is present- in the Torah, in the act of study, and, in what is studied... When you know that fact you know everything important about Judaism: how Judaism knows God.
  
• God did not give the Torah on one day only at Sinai. God gives the Torah every time and every place that the Torah is studied for the sake of serving God... there can be no "canon" in the conventional sense,... since there is no point of conclusion and closure of revelation.
• (Counsel offered to a Rabbi by Neusner) Every speech you give, every meeting you have, should commence with your statement. "In the Mishnah I was studying this morning, I learned..." or, "in the Talmud I am working on it says..." an d so through life...

This resulted in one of those "aha" moments- a moment in which you learn something you already knew in your blood and your bones... in your unconscious mind. The penchant for books and words is sewn into my bones... infused into my blood.

A caveat... how can Judaism, which place a paramount importance on mitzvot/deeds- our behavior, what we do in the world- suggest that the most important thing is Torah study? Because it suggests that the man or woman whose ultimate value is Torah study will behave like God in the world... with love, compassion and goodness. Torah study that is not transformative and soul shaping is not true Torah study.

Rabbi Meir would say: Whoever studies Torah for Torah's sake alone, merits many things:

· The Torah enclothes him with humility and awe

· The Torah makes him fit to be righteous, pious, correct and faithful

· The Torah distances him from sin and brings him close to merit.

· The Torah grants him sovereignty, dominion, and jurisprudence.

· The Torah's secrets are revealed to him.

· The Torah makes him as an ever-increasing wellspring and as an unceasing river.

· The Torah makes him modest, patient and forgiving of insults.

The Torah uplifts him and makes him greater than all creations.

Weekly Torah Portion: Beshalach "When G-d let go"

The weekly Torah portion is Beshalach- Exodus 13:17 - 17:16.

In this portion: pharoah releases Israel; Israel passes through the red sea; pharoah's army is destroyed; G-d begins to lead and feed his people in the wilderness; Israel win's their first battle.

In reading this portion two popular titles come to mind... one a variation on a theme from a Hunter Thompson book, the other from a pop song...

• Fear and Loathing in the Desert
• What Have You Done For Me Lately (Oh Lord)

Israel's faith and trust reaches a high point when they are delivered and pharoah's army is destroyed... but immediately... immediately. they doubt and question G-d's commitment and ability to lead and care for them...

As soon as they are thirsty and hungry they are angry and doubting... We are Israel... the moment we are in discomfort or peril we are prone to get cranky and doubt.

How could the people have witnessed the plagues and their freedom from bondage and the miracles of the Red sea and within days question and doubt...

The same way you and I can look upon the many, many ways G-d has been good and faithful in our lives and immediately doubt and question the minute we encounter fear...

For me personally, 2010 is a year with more fear than usual... I at moments feel like the enemy is right on my tail or as if I am in the wilderness wondering if there will be food to eat and water to drink... I am reminded of that prayer I have prayed so many times over the years, "Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief".

So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt (Keith and Melody Green)

So you wanna go back to Egypt, where it's warm and secure.
Are you sorry you bought the one-way ticket when you thought you were sure?
You wanted to live in the Land of Promise, but now it's getting so hard.
Are you sorry you're out here in the desert, instead of your own backyard?

Eating leeks and onions by the Nile.
Ooh what breath, but dining out in style.
Ooh, my life's on the skids.
Give me the pyramids.

Well there's nothing to do but travel, and we sure travel a lot.
'Cause it's hard to keep your feet from moving when the sand gets so hot.
And in the morning it's manna hotcakes. We snack on manna all day.
And they sure had a winner last night for dinner, flaming manna soufflé.

Well we once complained for something new to munch.
The ground opened up and had some of us for lunch.
Ooh, such fire and smoke.
Can't God even take a joke…Huh?….(NO!)

So you wanna go back to Egypt, where old friends wait for you.
You can throw a big party and tell the whole gang, that what they said was all
true.
And this Moses acts like a big-shot, who does he think he is.
It's true that God works lots of miracles, but Moses thinks they're all his.

Well I'm having so much trouble even now.
Why'd he get so mad about that cow, that golden cow.
Moses,he seems rather idle, he just sits around.
He just sits around and writes the Bible.

Oh, Moses, put down your pen.
What…Oh no, manna again?
Oh, manna waffles….
Manna burgers...
Manna bagels...
Fillet of manna...
Mannacoti...
Bamanna bread!

SC 2010- 3: Humility

Various things in nature give us a feeling smallness and finitude... mountains, the ocean, high altitudes, the redwoods, the grand canyon... You and I are conundrums... At our core is the ultimate - the divine, and yet, this is wrapped up in flesh... finitude, temporalness and fragility.

Hamlet (Shakespeare) says it very well:

What a piece of work is a man or woman, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?

We are the offspring of the Divine, the Ultimate, and yet, we are no more than dust particles.

And so we come to the third course in my 2010 spiritual curriculum... Humility.

Thoughts for the week- Psalm 131 and Psalm 8:

My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars... what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

Daily practice:

As I interact with folks each day consider their greatest soul asset and deficit... Each night as I do my moral inventory... reflect upon my greatest soul assets and deficits both in my character at this point and in the day in particular.

For wonderful write up on the topic of humility from a Jewish perspective see

http://www.myjewishlearning.com/practices/Ethics/Caring_For_Others/Ethical_Behavior/Concepts_and_Ideas/Humility.shtml

"A Hasidic tale tells of a man who came to the Zaddik with a complaint. "All my life," he said, "I have tried to follow the advice of the rabbis that one who runs away from fame will find that fame pursues him, and yet while I run away from fame, fame never seems to pursue me." The Zaddik replied: "The trouble is that while you do run away from fame you are always looking over your shoulder to see if fame is chasing after you."


On the deeper level, the notion is found, especially in Hasidism, that humility is not the mere absence of pride. Rather it consists not so much in thinking little of oneself as in not thinking of oneself at all. When the Hasidim and other Jewish mystics speak of annihilation of selfhood, they are not thinking of a conscious effort of the will. To try to nullify the self by calling attention to it is bound to end in failure. Instead, the mystics tend to suggest, the mind should be encouraged to overlook entirely all considerations of both inferiority and superiority."

G-d's Gender

I have been troubled for some time about the patriarchal orientations of the faith paths that have meant the most to me in my life path thus far (Judaism and Christianity). I remember hearing a woman speak at a men's chapel when I attended Multnomah Bible College years ago who suggested that the many ways in which men have oppressed and suppressed women through the ages is one of the greatest evils and atrocities in human history... she is right.

Recently a good friend of mine (in a workplace Black History Month Workgroup) suggested we do something different this year... "Why not focus our initiative on honoring and celebrating black women?". We all loved this idea.

This event, along with recent readings in Psalms in particular, have got me thinking on this topic. Over and over in the Bible I read the words (in reference to G-d): He, Him, His...

Rav Yeshua suggested that G-d is neither male nor female, G-d is spirit. For me, G-d is male and female... male and female merged.

The Hindus worship a god by the name of Ardhanarishvara...

"Ardhanarishvara is an androgynous deity composed of Shiva and his consort Shakti. He/She represents the synthesis of masculine and feminine energies. The Ardhanari form also illustrates how the female principle of God, Shakti, is inseparable from the male principle of God, Shiva. Ardhanari in iconography is depicted as half-male and half-female, split down the middle."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ardhanari

While this concept and image at first took me some time to get used to... it now warms my heart and resolves many ethical problems for me as I sojourn in patriarchal faith paths...

For me, no doubt about it, when we think of G-d's gender, G-d is male and female in union.

G-d's Back

When Moses saw G-d's backside what exactly did he see?

When G-d came down in the cloud and stood there with Moses and passed in front of him what was this like experientially? Moses bowed down to the ground at once and worshipped... when I, in my minds eye try to imagine what G-d looks like I tend to think of the aurora borealis...

Moses saw something... he heard something...

^{Exodus 33:18} Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory." ¹⁹ And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. ²⁰ But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." ²¹ Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. ²² When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. ²³ Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

^{Exodus 34:5} Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. ⁶ And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

⁸ Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. ⁹ "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance."

Sitting

Through the course of life, time and again I find myself face to face with the practice of meditation.

As a young adolescent I was exposed briefly to a Buddhist type of meditation in which I sat in a room with many others and we chanted, "Myoho Renge Kyo". I found this practice intriguing and both energizing and calming. In adulthood I tried Zen meditation... a rich and beautiful tradition.

In my sojourn in Catholicism I was trained in centering prayer. This is a movement in the Catholic Church based upon texts like "The Cloud of Unknowing". Father Thomas Keating (likely the inheritor of Thomas Merton's "mantle") has written and trained many in this practice. His published lecture, "The Human Condition: Contemplation and Transformation", is one of the few works that can always be found on my nightstand. His many other books are great as well... He may be the best teacher I've encountered to date in his ability to merge spirituality and psychology.

He says:

• We can be converted to the values of the gospel of Jesus Christ (insert here whatever faith path you like) and do the best we can to moderate the excesses of our desperate search for security, affection, and esteem, and power and control, while our basic attitudes remain the same.
• If we don't face the consequences of unconscious motivation- through a practice or discipline that opens us to the unconscious - then that motivation will secretly influence our decisions all through our lives.

I could go on and on with great quotes from this little book- worth a look.

Meditation for me is about transformation and union (Keating likes the term "friendship with G-d). Over the years I have used many words to describe meditation... sitting, being, union, synthesis, practice... I've just started reading Aryeh Kaplan's "Jewish Meditation"... eager to see what he has to offer.

Ultimately (for me) meditation is about union with the ultimate ground of our being that results in us becoming more like the object (G-d) of our devotion... not so much an entity out there as much as the seed planted within... the imago dei... At the core of us is G-d. She (He if you prefer) is our mother... we possess her DNA in our bones and blood. We, due to living in a temporal world in a body of flesh, are too prone to forget the purity and perfection that is the essence of our being... hence, we can think of meditating as taking time to remember... to remember who we really are.

Sitting is about remembering... it is about centering our soul when it is out of alignment.

Most methods I've worked with suggest use a mantra/ a word, to help bring the wild monkey mind back to one's intent... I've tried many over the years but always seem to return to the word "peace"... many reasons for this I think when I consider my life course.

Most methods suggest letting one's wild horse mind run it's course and to allow thoughts to arise naturally... it is recommended that we not engage in the thought, nor, try to suppress it... rather, one is encouraged to see it like you would the frame of a film or a ship passing by... let the thought come and let it pass by... return to your mantra/ sacred word.

Many times in sitting I have had that priceless experience that the Zen writers call "the falling off of the self"... Christian and Jewish writers would be inclined to call this union with the divine. It is a feeling of selflessness and perfect peace.

We spend so much time each day doing, saying, thinking, feeling, writing, going, working, playing, worrying... perhaps our lives would be richer if we took some time each day to be... to sit quietly in G-d's presence and commune...

I'm experimenting these days... instead of letting my fleeting thoughts pass by in my initial minutes of sitting I am discussing these topics with G-d... once my mind starts to settle down a bit I move to being quiet and seeking to be still and bask and listen...

When I think on this topic I often think of David's words in Psalm 131. May G-d help each of us to still and quiet our souls... may we be like weaned children... right beside the objects of our desires and yet fully at peace without them.

Psalm 131

¹ My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

² But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

³ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Parsha: Bo

On Sunday mornings I look forward to reading the weekly Torah portion in full... This week's portion is Bo- Exodus 10:1-13:16.

For me, the first 13 chapters of Exodus stir very mixed emotions...

They are an ethical quagmire... they are also awe inspiring if you really stop and imagine the events.

From an ethical standpoint (if you take the text at face value) I wrestle with:

• The midwives lie and G-d blesses them. This one I'm good with... I can see how in certain circumstances the right thing to do may be to lie (for e.g. hiding Jews in your basement and telling Nazi soldiers that no one else is in the house).
• Holding someone accountable for deeds they were divinely inspired to do... over and over the text suggests that the choices pharoah makes are divinely influenced (G-d hardened pharoah's heart)... the good old free will versus destiny thing.
  
• Holding a nation responsible for the choices of it's leader.
• Punishing a nation with turning it's water to blood, infesting it's land and homes with insects and boils and hail and darkness and finally death because it's leader won't relent.
  
• Killing all the firstborn in the land because it's leader won't relent. Heavy. Imagine losing your firstborn because of something Obama does (and not knowing whether Obama chose to do it or G-d in part "inspired" him to do it).
  
• Telling Pharaoh that Israel will go to worship for 3 days and then return when that was never the intent.
• Looting the Egyptians- borrowing items that will never be returned.

I don't pretend to fully understand how all of this fits together yet. And yet in life, at times, what we believe must speak to what we don't fully understand.

The other way of viewing this story is with awe and grimacing... can you imagine living through these plagues? What a horrendous experience it was for all involved...

This week I will be thinking about what this story means for me today... Today I am struck with the importance of listening to G-d. While I will never presume to know that G-d is speaking to me I certainly have impressions... I listen to the still, small voice within. I listen to truth as I hear it in sacred texts and wise beings I interact with... or just wise words I hear.

My take away from the Exodus story today is listen... Look and listen and understand what is happening in your midst... and respond. I also can't help but feel great compassion for those poor Egyptians and their suffering... or better today, those poor Haitians.

1-16-09: Assessment of My Way

A way... a life... is made up of days (which are made up of weeks, months, and years)... The word way is a frequently used word in Scripture to describe one's manner of being... lifestyle... way of being in the world.

I'll attempt this year to stop once a month and review for myself, may way... is my way in tune with the ultimate ground of my being or am I off center... I will assess my way by outlining my intent in my day...

1. Awake
2. Blessings
3. Torah
4. Union
5. Mitzvot
6. Enjoy my family
7. Moral inventory
8. Mussar

SC 2010- 3: Enthusiasm

I am pivoting today... so far I am doing this mostly on Sundays with an occasional Saturday... Focusing on silence and being much more focused upon mindfulness of my speech... intent, implications, moral aspects... was very useful.

Today I pivot to enthusiasm as my focus for the week... What the heck is it?

In past years of inner work I have used words like: passion; engagement; ownership; energy. Somehow settled upon enthusiasm for 2010.

Wikipedia suggests that enthusiasm originally meant inspiration or possession by the divine, or the presence of a god. Passion is described as follows: it can be expressed as a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion towards a subject, idea, person, or object. A person is said to have a passion for something when they have a strong positive affinity for it. A love for something and a passion for something are very similar feelings.

When I think on this topic I always think of the word relish... to relish... one's family, one's work, the moment...

So here we go...

Phrases for the week:

- Carpe Diem
- "Eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart... Enjoy life with your wife whom you love... Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Ecc. 9:7-10

So I guess it's eat, drink and be merry for me this week...

Exercises:

• Enjoy my creature comforts
• Enjoy each moment spent with my wife
• Fully engage in each thing I do
  

SC 2010- 2: Silence

Today I shift to item 2 in my spiritual curriculum for 2010. As mentioned earlier in the blog I'm using a Mussar technique that will cycle me through 13 traits this year (work on a trait for a week then move on 4 times).

My new topic is silence. My phrases are:

• Shimon would say: I have found nothing better for the body than silence. Pirkei Avos
  
• The main way to merit eternal life is by guarding one's tongue. Vilna Gaon
  
• Shammai would say: Make your Torah study a permanent fixture of your life. Say little and do much. Pirkei Avos

Given that the first thing we see G-d do in the Jewish Bible is speak and create it seems to me that our speech... when we speak, we are imitating G-d and potentially creating realities... What can result from what comes out of our mouths is taken far too lightly I think.

My daily work will involve attempting to talk much less often and to be much more circumspect about what comes out of my mouth... when I think on this topic I always remember Jesus' words in Matthe...

¹⁶"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. ¹⁷"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? ¹⁸But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' ¹⁹For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. ²⁰These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean.' "

James dedicates a chapter to this topic and his thinking is steeped in the teachings from the book of Proverbs...

¹Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. ²We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

³When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

⁷All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, ⁸but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

⁹With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. ¹⁰Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. ¹¹Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹²My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

I'll also be reading this week in David Wolpe's book, In Speech and Silence.

I smile to think I would share my Mussar work on silence in blog by writing such a long winded blog... truly ironic... You will not hear again from me (silence) until next Saturday or Sunday when I move to topic three in my curriculum: Enthusiasm.

Being Good

Our son turned 18 yesterday. Despite this, as he prepared to hang with friends in the evening, I told him as he left the house, "Have fun, drive carefully and be good".

We've told our kids to "be good" since they were very little. Being good has kind of been an obsession of mine for many years (I should probably say- becoming a good being). For Linda this comes more naturally than it does for me. In philosophical terms (spiritual terms) when we talk about being good we are discussing the topic of virtue... Becoming a person of virtue (substance, character) is a life long endeavor and the end of all meaningful religious pursuit. In Judaism becoming good is not a matter of overcoming an inherent sinful nature/disposition. Rather, it is making choices in keeping with the pure soul G-d provides at birth- our true nature (as opposed to the inclination to "do wrong" that often arises due to our existence in a finite world in a body).

The penultimate virtue is goodness... it is at the core of the nature of G-d. When we are good (in word, in thought, in deed) we are most like G-d... that is, behaving/acting like the ultimate ground of our being- our ultimate mother/father.

Taste and see that the LORD is good Ps 34:8

Pirkei Avos 2:10. [Rabbi Yochanan] said to them: Go and see which is the best trait for a person to acquire. Said Rabbi Eliezer: A good eye. Said Rabbi Joshua: A good friend. Said Rabbi Yossei: A good neighbor. Said Rabbi Shimon: To see what is born [out of ones actions]. Said Rabbi Elazar: A good heart. Said He to them: I prefer the words of Elazar the son of Arach to yours, for his words include all of yours.

He said to them: Go and see which is the worst trait, the one that a person should most distance himself from. Said Rabbi Eliezer: An evil eye. Said Rabbi Joshua: An evil friend. Said Rabbi Yossei: An evil neighbor. Said Rabbi Shimon: To borrow and not to repay; for one who borrows from man is as one who borrows from the Almighty, as is stated, ``The wicked man borrows and does not repay; but the righteous one is benevolent and gives'' (Psalms 37:21). Said Rabbi Elazar: An evil heart. Said He to them: I prefer the word of Elazar the son of Arach to yours, for his words include all of yours.

How to Study a Book

I have the bad habit of reading multiple books simultaneously. Bad habit. Best to read one or two at a time. The bulk of the reading I do is non fiction.

One of the books I am currently enjoying is The Way Into Torah by Norman J. Cohen.

A book like this is read/enjoyed but also studied... my current method for studying a book...

1. Read the chapters and underline/star significant statements.
2. Upon completion of the book review underlined passages and highlight the best of them.
3. From each chapter pick the 3 most meaningful statements.
4. Record these... in a journal, a word document or some other place.

Through the year I'll likely offer up the cullings of some of the books I enjoy in this blog.

Yirah- Fear and Awe

I continue to wrestle with the concept of "Fear of G-d" or, "Fear of Heaven"... given a spiritual background that emphasized the notion of eternal punishment I no longer have room for this type of thinking.

I am finding ways to think about the fear of G-d (the Jewish Bible and spiritual writings are full of this notion) that make sense to me.

- Fear as accountability to our creator
- Fear as an "acute realization of G-ds presence" (per Duties of the Heart)
- Fear as a compelling desire not to disappoint one's beloved
- Fear as potential regret... knowing in eternity that one's choices resulted in a life not lived to one's full potential

All of these speak to Yirah as fear... the awe piece I'm good with.

It is a staggering thought that my each and every choice in each and every moment is:

- Seen and understood by G-d
- Causes G-d joy/pleasure or sadness/grief
- Moving me closer to G-d or further from Him/Her
- Refining or polluting my soul
- Impacting the reality of the heavens (per the Kabbalists)

It is also deeply sobering to think as Mussar does (C.S. Lewis says parts of this too) that G-d gifted me with a pure soul and what I make of my soul in this lifetime through my choices is my gift back to Her/Him as well as the soul I will live with for eternity.

Create in me a clean heart O G-d, renew a right spirit within me, lead me in your way.

Magic of Movies

My father has always loved movies and I have very fond memories of going to see movies with him.

Before the quick and easy access to films that we know nowadays through DVDs- Blockbuster, Netflix etc... One had to "go to the movies" to see a new film. You could catch older films on TV, but, newer films were always seen at the movies.

Going to see a movie in the movie theater is still a mystical experience when you really dissect it... First of all, watching a film is likely the closest human experience we have to dreaming. Reading fiction in particular transports us from our reality, but not in the way film does... Movies speak to the eyes, the ears, the heart and mind (music and words) in a way that reading can't.

Secondly there are the "nocturnal" and "communal" aspects of film viewing. You enter a dark room- a cocoon or womb of sorts and witness/experience a story. You typically share that room with a person or two or three that you know and many strangers.

When we are swept away into the alternate reality of a movie we can at times experience what Walker Percy called a transcendence that can result in a "reentry" problem...

Interviewer: Science, as you so often point out, has failed man. But so, too, has God. How is art the solution for man as he aimlessly roams the cosmos?

Percy: Explain how God has failed. Does this mean that God exists but that he might have done a better job? Or that man has screwed up and supposed, therefore, that God has failed? I didn't say art was the solution. I would agree that with a failure of religion for many people, art is often promoted as a quasi-religious vocation. I'm not sure how successfully this works, even for the most talented and committed artists and art lovers. I dealt with this interesting art-as-religion phenomenon in Lost in the Cosmos: for example, comparing the transcending God-likeness of Faulkner while writing The Sound and the Fury with the crash afterward‹drunk for a week. Or think of the exaltation of the moviegoer after seeing a fine movie‹say, Wild Strawberries‹and then what? One hour, two hours later, what? I called this the "reentry" problem.

Here's to watching films in a more attentive and reflective way in this new decade.. to better discerning-divining what my reactions to the film are telling me about: me, G-d, mankind, and reality. Here's to watching more DVDs at home in the dark with the phone turned off.

Roeper's best films of the decade

http://www.suntimes.com/news/roeper/1967980,roepers-best-films-of-the-year-010110.article

January 1, 2010

The 100 best movies I saw in the 2000s:
1. "The Departed" (2006)
2. "In America" (2003)
3. "Traffic" (2000)
4. "Memento" (2001)
5. "House of Flying Daggers" (2004)
6. "Mystic River" (2003)
7. "Slumdog Millionaire" (2008)
8. "25th Hour" (2002)
9. "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" (2000)
10. "Hotel Rwanda" (2004)
11. "Minority Report" (2002)
12. "Gangs of New York" (2002)
13. "Syriana" (2005)
14. "Michael Clayton" (2007)
15. "Zodiac" (2007)
16. "No Country for Old Men" (2007)
17. "The Dark Knight" (2008)
18. "Brothers" (2009)
19. "Million Dollar Baby" (2004)
20. "Gone Baby Gone" (2007)
21. "21 Grams" (2003)
22. "Up in the Air" (2009)
23. "The Lookout" (2007)
24. "Eternal Sunshine" (2004)
25. "Munich" (2005)

Klezmer Music

When I listen to Klezmer music I feel as if someone has plugged my central nervous system into a hot socket.

For an intro to what Klezmer is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klezmer

Klezmer is a sort of fusion music that is Jewish - Yiddish - Jazz.

It is a riotous and mad genre... It will make your body parts want to do things... to jump and move and yell.

I think this is do to the tempo and the instrumentation of the music... and yet beneath the surface of this frenzy is the subtext of a a perpetual minor key. So while the body and the mind are being swept over with a wave of madness the heart is pierced with melancholy.

The tempo and the instrumentation possess the mind and the body- the minor key entrances the heart.

For a real (experiential) into to Klezmer try the Pandora radio station: "Old Klezmer Music".

Yirah

Yirah (fear/awe) is the first course in my 2010 spiritual curriculum... I have wrestled with it all week. I have felt as if I am like Jacob wrestling with an angel to grasp this concept.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"... what does this mean? For me, G-d is the ultimate good... the reconciler... peace. How can I fear the one who wants nothing more than to realize union with me... with each soul?

I know what it is to fear pain... humiliation... alienation... desertion... financial ruin... extinction (the holocaust)... aging... irrelevance... incompetence. I relate to each of these and more. I know what it is to feel awe... at lightning... great beauty... marrying my wife... watching my children be born... standing at the top of pike's peak...

But what does it mean to fear the ultimate good... the lover of our souls?

Here is the best summary I've found:

"fearing God," is living life with a trembling awareness that life has meaning -- that the choices you make have consequences of ultimate significance. To "fear" God as a Jew means to hone within yourself an awareness of the divine Presence around you all the time. One who fears God in this way would never say, "It does not matter how I behave in this circumstance because no one will ever know." http://judaism.about.com/od/beliefsandlaw1/f/feargod.htm

If to fear G-d means to have a constant awareness of G-ds presence with me and the significance of each action... then, the opposite of fearing G-d (apart from unbelief) is pride... a full disregard for accountability to the creator of the universe...

Perhaps this is why Proverbs 22:4 says: The reward of humility is the fear of HaShem, even riches, and honor, and life.

If I would know fear of G-d I must first recognized G-d's presence in all- Recognizing my smallness is a first step to recognizing her presence and my accountability for my every thought, word, and deed.

.

2010 Mussar

I have recently started down the path of Mussar practice... for an intro to Mussar see
http://www.mussarinstitute.org/wisdom-way.htm or http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Holiness-Jewish-Spiritual-Mussar/dp/1590303687

WHAT IS MUSSAR?

Mussar is a path of contemplative practices and exercises that have evolved over the past thousand years to help an individual soul to pinpoint and then to break through the barriers that surround and obstruct the flow of inner light in our lives. Mussar is a treasury of techniques and understandings that offers immensely valuable guidance for the journey of our lives.

GOALS OF MUSSAR PRACTICE

The goal of Mussar practice is to release the light of holiness that lives within the soul. The roots of all of our thoughts and actions can be traced to the depths of the soul, beyond the reach of the light of consciousness, and so the methods Mussar provides include meditations, guided contemplations, exercises and chants that are all intended to penetrate down to the darkness of the subconscious, to bring about change right at the root of our nature.

With G-d's help I have outlined my spiritual curriculum for 2010:


Traits

1 Yirah
2 Silence
3 Enthusiasm
4 Humility
5 Goodness Righteousness
6 Discernment Wisdom
7 Gentleness Compassion/ Patience/ Kindness
8 Strength Order/Courage
9 Moderation Self Control
10 Gratitude
11 Equanimity
12 Simplicity
13 Trust

Obsessions

I am a man prone to obsessions... If I don't have one active I tend to lose the centrifugal force of my center... I've had many over the years but most have been spiritual/religious in nature.

These days I'm trying to hold the reins on my renewed interest in Judaism... Mussar in particular. With HaShem's help, and that of my well grounded wife, I pray in this New Year that this particular obsession will burn like the menorah lit by the Maccabees... a shining light that burns bright and long... grounded, blazing, and enduring.

Three Things

This blog represents an interesting shift from my previous blog ("What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about").


The world stands on 3 things:

-Torah
-Service of G-d
-Deeds of Kindness

Shimon the Righteous, Pirkei Avot 1:2